Funny Stuff

Funny Stuff

~** BeAuTiFuL **~

I thought these were really cute, I love cartoons and I especially love Garfield so I thought that I would share them with all of you!

The Intercom
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to
kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little
horny.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the
wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, would you give me a
blowjob?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?

Him: "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"

Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"

Her: "No, no. I just can't"

Him: "I beg you..."

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's
little sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in
a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a
blowjob. Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, dad says he can
come down himself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take
his hand off the intercom!"

Dick

There was a City cop on his horse waiting to cross
the street when a little boy on his new shiny bike
stopped beside him! .

"Nice bike," The cop said "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little boy said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the boy a ¤20
ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a
reflector light on the back of it."

The young boy looked up at the cop and said

"Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring
it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said,
"Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath
the horse not on top."

Hillbilly Dayvorce

A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a
lawyer.

The lawyer said, "How can I help you?"

The farmer said, "I want to get one of those dayvorces."

The lawyer said, "Do you have any grounds?"

The farmer said, "Yes, I got 40 acres."

The lawyer said, "No, you don't understand. Do you have a suit?"

The farmer said, "Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on
Sundays."

The lawyer said, "No, no, I mean, do you have a case?"

The farmer said, "No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere."

The lawyer said, "No, I mean, do you have a grudge?"

The farmer said, "Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the
John Deere."

The lawyer said, "Does your wife beat you up or something?"

The farmer said, "No, we both get up at 4:30."

The lawyer said, "Is your wife a nagger?"

The farmer said, "No, she's a little white gal, but our last child
was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce."

LOL! IS that not hilarious!!! okay i know, but it is funny!

John's right, Garfield should realize he's king of the house!

Move your crap!!!! aaaahhhhhhhh-hahahahahahahaha!!!

A man came into the ER and yelled, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!"

The doctor grabbed his stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Then he noticed that there were several cabs, and he was in the wrong one.
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My ex-boyfriend is a magician.
He walks down the street and turns into a liquor store.
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Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to England?
A: So the other one could drive.
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A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a movie theatre and goes in to watch the movie that has already started.
As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie. It even seemed to be enjoying the movie: wagging its tail in the happy bits, drooping its ears at the sad bits, and hiding its eyes with its paws at the scary bits.
After the movie, the man approaches the dog's owner, "Gosh, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. I'm amazed!"
"Yes, I'm amazed also," came the reply. "He hated the book."

The CompuSwami told me:

-Life's to short to date ugly people!

-Interactions with people will only make you love your comuter more!

-Will work for food. Will beg for love.

-Chess players make good mates!

-Dyslexics untie!

-He who laughs last hasn't got a clue.

-Consciences are downers.

Why am I the only one who can drive?!

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What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A mosquito will stop sucking when you slap it.

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Look, my life is rapidly becoming a punchline to some seriously disturbed joke.
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Thanks for being a part of my life! I never knew what evil was before this!

One night, three ants walked into a house but found no safe place t sleep in except the bathroom. So the first ant slept in the sink, the second in the tub and the third slept in the toilet.

In the morning, the first ant said, "I slept great!" The second said, "I slept great!" also. Then the third said, "I slept okay, but through the night, it rained and then it thundered, and then a log fell on my head!"
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A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and reports that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me what you mean."
So, she takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. Then she pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"
"No, I'm actually a blonde," she replies.

"I thought so," says the doctor. "Your finger is broken."